


your heart is my home

by pshooyeop (choucobos)



Series: you are my past, present, and future [1]
Category: UP10TION
Genre: Angst, But only a little, Falling In Love, Grave digging, Immortality, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Pining, Slow Burn, just a touch, other members are mentioned... vaguely, which is a little morally ambigious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:21:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21783628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choucobos/pseuds/pshooyeop
Summary: minsoo is good at two things: grave-digging and chasing after the man who has impacted his life in more ways than one. both things may or may not be directly related to sooil.
Relationships: Go Minsoo | Kogyeol/No Sooil | Kuhn
Series: you are my past, present, and future [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1569856
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	your heart is my home

**Author's Note:**

> because i am a Genius, i took whatever idea bri threw at me and i ran with it. enjoy!
> 
> please note that the narrative is non-linear! that means the scenes jump around the timeline a bit. scenes that take place in different times are denoted by a horizontal line!

A lone figure stood in the darkness of the cemetery. He carried a shovel in his hands and walked among the graves, paying no attention to any of them. His eyes skimmed over each tombstone uninterestedly. His gait was slow and leisurely, as if he were taking a stroll down the street rather than down a graveyard.

Mist settled over the cemetery. It rolled over the dirt, brushing against the grass. It passed by the figure, or the figure passed through. The new moon shed no light over the land and cast the entire area into darkness.

He stopped before a new grave, bare of any grass on the dirt packing a corpse into the earth. He looked at it for a moment, simply staring at the dirt. Then, with a grunt, he dug the blade of the shovel into the dirt.

The figure worked hard to dig at the grave. The sound of the shovel scooping up dirt made for a rhythmic melody that had him continuing his deed. He dug until the blade hit something solid and the sound of metal hitting wood rang in the night.

Silence. With the shovel, he knocked against the wood of the coffin again.

A groan.

“Could you not dig any quieter?” A groggy voice asked. The voice came from the coffin.

“Is there a reason why I should?” The figure asked wryly in return.

“You could be considerate,” came the reply. “You woke me up.”

The figure made a noise of disapproval and knocked against the coffin again. A yelp came from it this time as he continued to dig up the grave. There was still work to be done.

Once the dirt was cleared away and a considerably large hole was dug, the figure gripped his shovel tighter.

“How do you wanna do this?”

“Well, completely taking out the coffin was too hard for you alone last time.”

“I told you it was ridiculous from the beginning! Can’t you just push the lid open?”

“Come on, Minsoo. I’ve been poisoned. I’m weak and ill. And you can’t expect me to do backflips after waking up.”

Minsoo scowled and knocked the shovel against the lid of the coffin again. The body inside audibly shuffled.

“Stop that!”

“Did you consider _why_ you got poisoned in the seven days you were dead?”

An indignant gasp. “You left me here for a week?”

Minsoo pried the coffin lid off with the blade of his shovel. It popped off and revealed a pouting man with arms crossed. His pallor left him with a sickly appearance, but Minsoo was confident that he’d be fine, probably. If he had enough energy to be pouty and petulant, then he was fine.

“I can’t keep doing this,” Minsoo said, dropping the shovel and crossing his own arms.

The body below sat up in the coffin, stretching out his arms. Telltale pops of his bones indicated that he surely hadn’t moved in a while. Minsoo had no sympathy for him. Besides, he looked fine. He smiled charmingly up at Minsoo. The lack of light made it hard to see him.

“But then who would dig me out of the ground if not you, my little gravedigger?” He cooed. Minsoo bristled and turned around. The body in the coffin scrambled where he lay. He weakly grasped at the dirt around home, only for some to land in his coffin.

“Wait, wait, help me up!”

The reason Minsoo kept doing this, he wasn’t quite sure. He wasn’t even sure if he remembers exactly when it started. It’s been quite a long time after all. It didn’t get any less immoral or any less frustrating, but every single time, Sooil wouldn’t fail to send him a dazzling smile once they’ve left the graveyard.

“Thank you for digging me out again, Minsoo,” Sooil said sweetly. “Sorry for the trouble, as always.”

He didn’t look very sorry at all.

“Right,” Minsoo said. “It’s always up to me to help you out of the graves you dug yourself. Sooil, have you considered being less annoying? I think it would solve a good number of your problems.”

“But then how would I get to see you standing tall above me in the dark of the night?” Sooil asked playfully.

“You don’t need to.”

“Don’t be mean, Minsoo. I’d like to see you! We were friends from the first time you dug me up, you know?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. If you want to see me, then you can see me during the day without being annoying! Just like anyone else would! We don’t need to keep meeting up at night!”

Sooil gave him a large grin, full of mischief and all things Minsoo knew he should avoid.

“Are you saying you’d like to go out in public?”

Minsoo shoved Sooil’s arm and stomped off angrily. He only laughed and jogged after Minsoo, who hadn’t gone very far. He swung his arm around his shoulders and pulled him close, singing his praises well into the dark, misty night.

* * *

He could remember _how_ it started. The first time Minsoo met Sooil, he was instantly charmed by his friendly disposition and his funny manner of speaking. He was interesting to talk to because he slipped in jokes in the best possible times and knew almost everything about everyone. He drew people in easily with his humor and his kindness, and Minsoo was no different.

It used to be entertaining to watch him annoy others, too. He would talk circles around particularly hot-tempered people, take jabs at them with a wide smile. Minsoo would hide his own amusement, but wonder to himself how Sooil could be this entertaining to be around.

That first time Minsoo met him, he was instantly charmed. He trailed closely after Sooil for the rest of the day, ignoring his duties and chatting up this strange new person.

That first time Minsoo met him, he saw Sooil became just as entertained with him as Minsoo was with him. After all, Minsoo was quite young and easy to poke fun at back then.

That first time Minsoo met him was a very long time ago.

Minsoo didn’t see Sooil after the day he first met him. It was disappointing, but at the age of 19, he’d met a number of people and never saw them again many times. It shouldn’t have been anything new.

(But he sorely missed Sooil’s engaging presence. Something about him just invited Minsoo to join him, to talk and laugh with him. Despite the fact that he was a stranger, he was warm and familiar, like coming home.)

Minsoo didn’t see Sooil for a long time. But when he did see him again, he found out that Sooil had managed to piss off the _magistrate_ and had a good number of wealthy enemies.

Still, Sooil smiled at him with his sweet smile and Minsoo managed to forget his worries about him.

“I might have to leave soon,” Sooil sighed.

“Is it true that you angered the magistrate?” Minsoo asked, frowning. Sooil gave him a sheepish smile and fumbled with the jade pendant around his neck. It’s all the answer he needed.

“The magistrate is a very shameless man. He tried to cheat me out of some land! It just so happens that he has many knowledgeable friends who decided to side by him and they brought up my… background.”

“Your background?” Minsoo’s curiosity was piqued. It might not have been his business, but he couldn’t help it—this newcomer was quite the enigma. No one knew anything about him.

“It’s not that much of a secret,” Sooil dismissively said (although Minsoo begged to differ). “I just have quite the talent of angering authority, so I have to be on the run often. I was hoping to settle here, too…”

“How many times?” Minsoo asked, bewildered.

“Hm?”

“How many times have you had to run?”

“Oh… I don’t remember. I’ve lost track. It’s been a _lot_ of times.”

Minsoo gaped at him. Was Sooil really just a public nuisance, or was he a full-fledged criminal? He couldn’t have been more than a year older than Minsoo, but how many times did he have to run away to the extent that he forgot the amount? It was puzzling to him—although Sooil _did_ annoy anyone who breathed at him, he was nothing but kind to Minsoo.

“T-To escape a background like that, you’d have to _die_ ,” he exclaimed. Sooil nodded absentmindedly.

“Right, right, I’d have to die. It’s a shame that I can’t—”

Sooil paused, appearing to have thought of something. He looked at Minsoo, a smile dawning on his face. Minsoo was baffled. What reason did he have to smile all of a sudden?

“You’re brilliant, Minsoo,” Sooil sincerely said, grabbing his shoulders. He was still smiling.

“I— I am?”

“You are! Okay, I have a plan, and I need your help!”

“Me?”

“Please help me out! I’ll be forever in your debt, but I won’t mind! I would gladly spend my life paying off my debt to you!”

Sooil drew closer with every word. Warmth flooded into Minsoo’s cheeks.

“Alright, I will help. I promise I will help! Please let go…”

His hands left Minsoo’s shoulders just as fast as they’d come and Minsoo almost missed the warmth. “I am already in your debt! This is a very important favor I am asking of you, but it would really rid me of my background! It’s a troublesome thing that follows me wherever I go.”

“It would really erase your background, just like that?” Minsoo asked doubtfully. What exactly did he have to do? He wouldn’t get in trouble, right?

“Yes! It’ll be difficult, but it will work, I guarantee it,” Sooil said, smiling. Minsoo regarded him carefully for a moment, weighing his options. He was nineteen years of age and he’d lived in this city for his whole life. He worked at the magistrate’s office every now and then when he wasn’t busy with manual labor. If he got caught helping Sooil, it would surely follow him for the rest of his life, just like Sooil’s background followed him.

But…

The warmth and hope in Sooil’s eyes were real. He felt it, resonating with the morbid excitement rising in his own heart. He knew that he was a good person. It was just unfortunate that he would anger every authority official who looked at him. But really, Sooil wasn’t a bad person.

And if he got caught, well then he’d just have to start running with Sooil, right? Would he really oppose that when Sooil was such good company?

“Alright,” he breathed. “What do I have to do?”

Sooil smiled that dazzling smile again. His expression gave away his gratitude and Minsoo began to know from that moment forward that Sooil always wore his emotions on his sleeves.

“Thank you, Beomdeuk. I mean it,” Sooil said.

“It’s quite alright. I’d like to help you in any way that I can,” he replied honestly. If Sooil could shine any brighter, he would surely be blinding.

“Then, what you need to do… is you need to let me die.”

A figure skulked through the graveyard. He trembled with every step he took and the shovel in his hands was in danger of falling to the hard ground. The early touches of winter had come over the land, setting a chill into his bones and into the earth. The figure stumbles over a stray rock and a curse tumbles from his lips.

A new moon hung over the land. The darkness reached for miles. It crept into the figure’s robes, it made its home in the tombs. Although there was nothing in the graveyard, there was little that could soothe the figure.

But he made a promise. No matter how absurd his friend’s request was, he had to follow through with it.

What would he find in the grave that he would dig up? Would he find a body that underwent funeral rites? Would he find decay already apparent, eating away at his friend’s once-lively face? It was a surprise that he received a funeral in the first place, considering the trouble he had caused, but he figured it was to respect the dead. No one wanted to desecrate the dead.

Well. Minsoo was about to.

Superstitions long driven into his head from a young age by his mother rang in his head. His thoughts were loud and echoing, as if the ghosts of superstitions themselves were whispering in his ear, warning him of the immorality of his actions. He would surely pay for his grave digging in the afterlife. He would surely meet that fate soon, should he get caught.

Finally, he came to an unmarked grave. Still new and barren, with few sprouts of grass poking through the packed dirt.

Minsoo steeled himself and gripped his shovel tight. There was no turning back now.

He dug the blade of the shovel into the dirt with as much strength as he could. The ground was hard and cold and idly, he wondered how Sooil was faring. But that was ridiculous. Sooil was dead. He was executed four days ago. Minsoo watched. And just as Sooil had requested, he let him die.

But there was a second part to Sooil’s request.

 _“Under the darkness of the moon, you must free me from my grave,”_ he had said. He said it with all seriousness and honesty that Minsoo had ever seen on him. He was speechless afterwards, but Sooil assured him that he would be alright.

What cruel trick was this? Why did Sooil want him to dig up his dead body? Why did he want him to see his corpse, which was intended to rest? Minsoo wanted to cry. But he had agreed and he followed through with his promise.

Minsoo’s breaths came out in puffs as he exerted energy to dig into the ground. The sound of the shovel scraping dirt was unfamiliar and unsettling. It made his gut churn with anxiety. Someone could see him. Someone could catch him in his act of crime and it would all be for nothing because all that was waiting for him beneath the ground was a corpse.

Tears slipped down his cheeks, but he only brushed them away with his cold hands before returning to his work. It was difficult to do it alone.

When the dirt was cleared away, there was a body in the ground, dirtied by soil, but otherwise clean and healthy even. Minsoo’s breaths came hard from the labor and trails of tears was visible on his cheeks. It was the first thing that Sooil saw when he opened his eyes.

“You really came,” Sooil said, voice hoarse from lack of use. “Beomdeuk, you really came to dig me up. I was almost afraid I would have to dig myself up from the ground. What a sight _that_ would have been, right?”

Minsoo didn’t answer. The shovel slipped from his grip, but he paid it no attention. The cold seeped into his robes and into his skin and into his bones, but he didn’t notice.

Sooil was alive.

But no. Sooil had died.

So what was he doing, struggling to get up from where he’d been buried, greeting Minsoo with that smile of his? What was he doing, gripping his jade pendant like he always did, as if making sure it was still there?

“Beomdeuk,” Sooil said, surprised. “Are you crying?”

Minsoo didn’t answer. The world slipped from underneath him and he was falling. Yet before he could feel the impact of his own fall, he lost consciousness. The world faded to black.

* * *

“What are you thinking about?”

Minsoo’s gaze landed on Sooil’s easy smile. They sat across from each other on a train traveling to a different city. Outside the window, the scenery changed just as fast as the times. It was late autumn outside, and Minsoo could almost already feel the cold of the winter through his clothing, even inside the train. The warmth from Sooil’s presence hindered any frigid cold, though.

“The first time I met you,” he replied. His companion scrunched up his face.

“You remember that?” Sooil asked. Minsoo nodded. He remembered almost every single moment with Sooil. Almost everything else was superficial.

“I don’t remember,” Sooil admitted, because of course he didn’t. “Can you tell me?”

Minsoo scoffed. “I retold it to you a couple years ago. Remember it yourself.”

“You know it’s hard for me to remember things! Especially when they happened so long ago! And how long ago exactly is ‘a couple years ago’? It could be five or fifty years!”

“How is it so hard for you when it’s easy for me? Just try to remember it!”

“How do you remember it? Do you think about it that often? Do you think about me often, Beomdeukie?”

Minsoo scowled and kicked Sooil’s shin.

“Ow! What’s so wrong about calling you Beomdeuk? I liked that name!”

“What’s wrong with Minsoo?” He challenged. Sooil threw his hands up defensively.

“Nothing! I like Minsoo, too! But I met you when you were Beomdeuk. And I’m very glad I met you, Beomdeukie! See, I remember!”

Minsoo huffed and crosses his arms. His expression softened and he went back to looking out the window. It was dizzying to see the scenery pass by so quickly, but nothing was worse than the vertigo he felt talking with Sooil.

“What _do_ you remember?”

“I remember the really fun times! Remember when we traveled across the sea to Japan? I seriously thought we would die, but we didn’t and we had an incredible time there.”

“That wasn’t too long ago.”

“Hm… I remember when you accidentally ate those poisonous fruits when we were traveling with those soldiers.”

“Ugh, why do you still remember that?!”

Sooil laughed. He leaned against the window of the train, looking fondly at Minsoo. It made his body burn up, warming him more than any summer day could.

“Don’t be silly, Minsoo. Of course I remember the first time I met you. It’s a little vague, of course, but I remember. How could I not? I’m still forever in your debt.” He said warmly.

Minsoo didn’t reply. He didn’t meet Sooil’s burning gaze or his adoring look.

(He was afraid that, if he did, he’d lose any sense.)

(He wondered if Sooil knew how much it meant to him.)

* * *

For a long time, digging Sooil up from the dead never got any easier. It was nerve-wracking and stressful, but even still, he stayed by Sooil’s side, traveling anywhere their heart desired. Despite the looming threat of being found out hanging above his head, Minsoo still found it in him to appreciate Sooil’s presence. He was still funny and he was still kind. He still smiled at Minsoo and he still pretended to die.

Minsoo turned twenty in the coming spring. Sooil did not age.

When Minsoo had woken up after fainting from shock that night, Sooil had gently explained his situation to him—he was an ageless being. He was human and he still lived and breathed and hurt and felt. But he no longer aged, no longer died. He was...

“You’re undead,” Minsoo had said.

“Not undead,” Sooil had corrected him. “I’ve never truly died before. Certainly not seeking to. Pretending to die wasn’t too much fun either, but it was necessary.”

“For how long?” Minsoo had asked, feeling himself slowly going mad.

“Hm… The years become foggy the more I live through. I’m really not sure how long it’s been. I’d have to ask my friend—”

“There are _more_ people like you?”

“Well, no.” Sooil awkwardly fumbled with his jade pendant. “My friend isn’t like me. But he did _make_ me immortal.”

Immortal. That’s what Sooil was. He didn’t age, didn’t die. He reached a point that many people would have and _did_ kill for, and he approached the subject like he was talking about the state of the weather.

It was still a little difficult to accept for Minsoo. It took him a long time to truly understand that no matter what Sooil did, he would still live and breathe far longer than anyone would.

“Living for a long time is a curse,” he drunkenly admitted one night. It was the night of Minsoo’s twenty-second birthday.

Many times, the two of them parted ways after Sooil was dug out of a problem, but one way or another, they would always find each other again. Although Minsoo was free to do whatever he wished, he mostly wandered aimlessly. He searched for something that was missing in his life. It was a feeling he felt even back in his hometown, curbed only by the presence of someone new and unfamiliar. But once he was on his own again, he found that the feeling returned to him like a fog settling over the earth.

It just so happened that they managed to cross paths again, conveniently on Minsoo’s birthday. They agreed to eat together and have a few drinks, but they were men who sought catharsis—a few drinks turned into “just one more.”

Sooil leaned against Minsoo. Although he appeared sober and melancholy, Minsoo was quite confident that he was drunk. After that much liquor, how could he not be?

“Then how come so many people seek to achieve it?” Minsoo asked.

“They know nothing about it,” Sooil said. “They know nothing about the struggles of everlasting life. They know nothing about how much it can hurt.”

“Hurt?” Minsoo echoed.

“Hurt,” he agreed.

Sooil’s hands brush over his jade pendant. Minsoo regards it with as much attention as his drunken mind can.

“It hurts to see people go,” Sooil said, voice growing softer. “To see them pass, even though you expect it. I see people continue to age and grow and leave, but I would never wish this fate of undying on another person. Many people wouldn’t be able to handle it. Living forever won’t solve your problems. They will just follow you. Ghosts will follow you wherever you step, reminding you of things you’ve lived through. It’s a curse, Beomdeuk.”

Minsoo wasn’t sure how to respond. Although the words registered in his head, it was quite honestly too much for his intoxicated mind to comprehend. Still, he wouldn’t forget the look of sadness on his friend’s face. He wouldn’t forget the feeling of Sooil slipping his jade pendant into his hands.

“Happy birthday, Beomdeuk,” Sooil said softly.

When he woke up, Sooil was gone again, but the warmth emanating from the gifted jade pendant was still there.

Minsoo didn’t meet him again for a couple of months until winter began to creep up from behind him again. He’d found a nice city to settle in with decent work and friendly people to get along with. Sooil found him there, and just like the first time, meeting him was a breath of fresh air.

“There’s someone I’d like you to meet,” Sooil said enthusiastically.

“Hopefully not someone you bothered,” Minsoo replied. Sooil grinned and nudged his arm.

“I don’t bother him too much! Besides, he’s an old friend. If he was tired of me, he wouldn’t be meeting me every year!”

Discomfort momentarily shot through him. He squashed it as soon as possible—he saw Sooil enough times over the years. Why should he complain? Although he thought of him often and wondered how he was doing, it wasn’t as if he held any right to demand his presence.

“We don’t need to meet him right away,” Sooil added. “I’d like to stay here for a bit, but I hope you don’t mind if I whisk you away to travel again.”

“I don’t mind,” Minsoo answered honestly. He didn’t. Traveling with Sooil was always a nice change of pace.

“That’s good! Now, why don’t you show me around this place? You seem to like it enough to settle in it. Tell me about your new home, Beomdeuk!”

So he did. He introduced Sooil to his neighbors as a person he knew from traveling. He kept it as vague as possible, fearing that someone might recognize him as a man who died many times over. He showed him where he worked, where he frequented.

Shortly afterwards, they had to fake Sooil’s death again and Minsoo, of course, had to dig him out of his grave.

“I am forever in your debt,” Sooil said, smiling at Minsoo.

“I suppose now is a good time as any to head off to meet your friend?” Minsoo asked wryly.

“...Don’t misunderstand, Minsoo, I really didn’t mean to anger the proprietor. I really mean it, but I just didn’t like how he talked to you!”

Minsoo shook his head and helped Sooil out of the grave. The hole was covered up as neatly as possible. Before long, they had set off again, with Minsoo’s property sold and their scant belongings carried between them.

“Who is this friend of yours, anyway?” Minsoo asked.

“He’s a very old friend of mine,” Sooil said. “He’s immortal, too, but he’s not human. He’s a god.”

Minsoo stopped in his tracks, openly gaping at his companion. Sooil only grinned back.

“I told you before that I had an old friend who made me immortal, didn’t I? I’m taking you to meet him!”

“Meet— you’re taking me to meet a— a god?” Minsoo asked incredulously.

“He’s not very well known anymore,” Sooil said, as if it would make the fact that Minsoo was about to meet a god any better. He sounded a bit sorry for his friend, but what could he do? People found new gods and worshipped them all the time.

Minsoo learned that Sooil’s friend was named Jinwook. He wasn’t a deity he was familiar with, but Sooil insisted that he was quite an important and powerful god, especially when Sooil had first met him. Minsoo began to feel sorry for this god, too. He wasn’t sure how being a god worked, but it must have been difficult if not a lot of people believed in him.

“People used to pray to Jinwook for long life,” his friend wistfully said. “And for the most part, he granted people to live as long as they were allowed. He was very nice that way—and he’s still very nice, just so you know.”

Minsoo watched Sooil as he talked. He seemed excited that they were getting to see his friend. He must have really cherished this friend of his, this god he made sure to meet every year. Minsoo smiled a little, imagining himself meeting Sooil every year and catching up with him. He imagined Sooil telling him all sorts of trouble he got into while Minsoo would be back at his new home, making a life for himself and growing… older.

Minsoo imagined himself much older. Still meeting with Sooil, unchanged by age and circumstance.

Once he died, he wondered if Sooil would find another person to dig him up from graves.

“What are you thinking about?” Sooil asked.

“Nothing,” he said quickly. And they continued on their way.

In all honesty, Minsoo hadn’t expected any gods to be like Jinwook. He expected intricately built temples filled to the brim with riches and offerings. He expected servants and priests.

He did not expect a humble cottage at the bottom of a mountain.

“Welcome,” Jinwook greeted him warmly. “You’re Beomdeuk, right? I apologize for not cleaning up as soon as I could. Sooil visits every year at the same time, but it always manages to creep up on me. You know how it is for people as old as I am.”

No. Minsoo didn’t. But he smiled back at Jinwook anyway, just to be polite.

He seemed like an ordinary man. He was considerably shorter than Minsoo and Sooil, but that did nothing to damper the warmth and welcoming aura radiating off of him. And beneath that openness and that compassion, Minsoo could just barely tell, but there was something not quite right about him—like he wasn’t actually an ordinary man. But no one would notice it if they didn’t look close enough or know beforehand that Jinwook was a god.

“How have you been this year?” Sooil asked with a grin. It was a friendly grin, open and inviting. Minsoo felt that he could relax.

“Oh, you know. I don’t do much other than sleep lately, and when I find someone who hears of me, I do my best to make sure their wishes can be fulfilled. But that’s not often, so a lot of the days tend to blend together.”

Was this really the life of a god? Maybe it only applied to Jinwook. He really was quite strange.

Sooil sighed loudly. “Really? You ought to do more than just sleep. Why don’t you travel again? Maybe that will get you more believers.”

Jinwook shook his head.

“I’m too tired, Sooil.”

“Well, why do you think that’s the case, hm?”

“Since when did you take up nagging? You didn’t learn that from me, did you? I haven’t nagged you in so long.”

“I’ve started to do it as a new way to annoy people. Is it working?”

Jinwook sighed when Sooil put his hands on his hips. Minsoo couldn’t help but smile to himself. They really were old friends in all senses. Jinwook turned to Minsoo with an apologetic smile of his own.

“I’m sorry that you’ve had to put up with Sooil,” he said sympathetically. Minsoo nodded, just to keep his joke going. Sooil let out an indignant noise that both of them ignored.

“It’s quite alright,” he told him. “I’ve taken to waiting a few more days before digging him up out of the ground.”

“You what?” Sooil asked incredulously. At the same time, Jinwook raised a brow.

“So you really are digging him up every time he pretends to die? He had told me about it in a letter, but I wasn’t sure if he was serious or not.”

“Unfortunately, he is.”

“I’m right here!” Sooil cried out.

“We are aware,” Jinwook said, maintaining the same tone. Minsoo smiles again at the silliness of it all.

He’d been worried. Worried that he would fail to make a good impression. Worried that Jinwook wouldn’t like him. He was worried that being here with Jinwook and Sooil would make him feel unpleasant, like he wasn’t supposed to be here, but in the end, he fit right in.

When Minsoo had a moment alone with Jinwook, It was quite late at night. Sooil had already gone to sleep, but Minsoo found that he couldn’t. He crept out of the room he and his companion shared, making sure not to make a sound as he slipped out of his mat (many instances of digging Sooil up required that he got better at being stealthy; it paid off for many things, not just being a gravedigger). When he left his room, he found that Jinwook was already at his table, staring out the window and at the moon.

“Good evening,” Jinwook greeted him idly. He didn’t look away from the window.

Minsoo wasn’t quite sure what to say. Greet him back? He’d been silent for too long, it was already too late for that. Question whether he woke him up? No, for a god like Jinwook, he must have anticipated that Minsoo wanted to talk.

In the end, he only sat at the table across from Jinwook.

“I’m sorry for him,” Jinwook said suddenly. Minsoo blinked.

“Why should you be sorry? He is responsible for his own actions.”

“I’ve unleashed the menace that is him onto society.”

(For all that he was sorry, Jinwook didn’t look as distraught as his words sounded. He merely looked tired, but still welcoming and open to Minsoo.)

Minsoo chose his words carefully.

“Everything I have done with him… it was of my own volition,” he said decidedly. Jinwook’s head tilted to one side.

“Isn’t it hard? You’re still human, Beomdeuk. Something like this can follow your consciousness for a long time,” Jinwook said, frowning.

Minsoo smiled weakly at him. “It is. It does. My hands still shake when I do it. But it’s only Sooil.”

Jinwook, on his part, took care to conceal his shock as much as he could. But Minsoo could tell he was just as surprised as he was at his own words.

It wasn’t something he said out loud before. He knew for a long time that he felt a sort of companionship with Sooil. He was warm and kind and entertaining. He could meet every person in the world and he knew that he wouldn’t meet someone that gave him the same feeling that Sooil gave him. It was something he came to terms with when Sooil had arrived in his town with that familiar, easygoing smile of his.

It was Sooil. He felt important to Minsoo. He gave him a feeling of relief that he never felt in his day-to-day life. It was as if something important and meaningful had returned to him and he could breathe easy. No matter what, he didn’t want to lose that feeling.

And since Sooil was immortal, he technically wouldn’t, so as long as he kept seeing him.

“You...”

Jinwook inclined his head to Minsoo, indicating for him to continue. Minsoo’s brows furrowed as he pondered the difficult question.

“You are the person who made him immortal.”

The sentence settled on the air, not quite heavy, but still placing pressure on them. It wasn’t quite a question, but it wasn’t just a statement either. It was a prompt and Jinwook let it settle before answering.

“I am,” he replied. “I made him undying when I was still a well-known god. Quite a long time ago, you must understand.”

“Did he ever regret it?”

Jinwook blinked at him, taken off guard. There’s a pause before he answers, “That’s… something you have to ask him. But I imagine he might every now and then. He didn’t exactly have a grand reason to let me do it back then. He just wanted to live.”

Minsoo thought about it for a moment. Wasn’t the desire to live enough of a reason?

It might not be, he considered. Sure, he wanted to live. He wanted to live the rest of his life in peace and then die in peace. He wanted no trouble to come to him and his family. And dying wasn’t exactly that big of a problem to him—he was aware that it was something everyone went through. He would be no different.

But at the same time, he also sought that particular thing missing in his life. He still hadn’t found it, but he realized he hadn’t really thought about it since seeing Sooil again. Would he have to live an unsatisfying life and die without finding or even knowing what it was?

“Are you considering it?” Jinwook asked. Minsoo gave him a peculiar look.

“Considering what?”

“Becoming immortal. I can still do it, you know.”

“You would do it to me? Just like that?”

“Well. No,” he said, frowning. “But so as long as you consider every consequence of becoming immortal and still desire it afterwards, I could grant it to you. But it’s not as fanciful as it looks. Sooil may seem carefree and happy, but he is often troubled by his decision.”

Minsoo thinks back to that night on his birthday. Unconsciously, he reached up to touch the jade pendant under his robes. He recalled the bitterness in Sooil’s words, the pain that he couldn’t understand quite fully yet. The sadness in his eyes, even though they appeared clouded with inebriation.

“I know,” he said. He did. But he was uncertain. Jinwook seemed to understand.

“Think about it, if you’d like. Or you can have that quiet, long life you desire. You could forget about immortality altogether,” he said.

But how could he forget about immortality when it was something about Sooil? No matter how hard he tried, he was sure he’d never truly forget Sooil.

Jinwook looks out the window again. The pale moon hung brightly over the nightscape, casting an ethereal light that streamed through the window. It surrounded him and Minsoo could only think about how Jinwook truly looked like a god under the light of the moon.

“Maybe I _will_ go travelling,” the god mused.

* * *

“How have you been?” Jinwook asked him. Minsoo shrugged.

“I’ve been fine.”

Jinwook frowned. “Don’t give me that. Have you told Sooil yet?”

He bristled. Of course not. How could he ever tell Sooil? It would likely change their relationship forever. And forever carried weight between Sooil and Minsoo.

“Beomdeuk…”

“Both of you insist on calling me that,” he muttered. “Even Yein calls me Minsoo, you know.”

“Yein didn’t know you as Beomdeuk as long as we did,” Jinwook said as kindly as ever. “Don’t change the subject, Minsoo. You can’t hold it in forever.”

“Can’t I?” He asked, throat tightening. Forever carried a lot of weight for immortals after all.

“Well, you could,” said the god, “but it wouldn’t be good for you. Undying or not, you’re still human.”

Minsoo went quiet at that. He was being unreasonable. He knew Jinwook is right. But because he was right—because he was human—Minsoo was afraid. He was afraid to lose that feeling of home. If he told Sooil, there would be a chance that he would leave; it was a chance he wasn’t willing to take.

“You never told me the story of how you picked up a stray.”

Jinwook frowned at his change of subject. Minsoo knew, knew deep in his heart that he shouldn’t run away. He knew that he could only run away for so long before he finally broke.

But hadn’t he done this for centuries now? Stayed by Sooil’s side unwaveringly? Couldn’t he do it for longer? For all that Sooil and Jinwook said about years blending together, they were right—Minsoo could blink and ten years could have passed. It could continue on like that.

“Jinhyuk is not a stray, Beomdeuk-ah…”

“Ah, it’s Minsoo now…!”

* * *

Becoming immortal was strange to get used to. He would wake up in the morning feeling no different than he had in the past twenty-five years of his life and yet come to the realization that he would never die. It was quite jarring, of course, to come to this realization so early in the morning. Often times, Sooil would return to their shared room in Jinwook’s cottage and find Minsoo staring blankly at the wall.

It wasn't an easy decision. Immortality. It took three years to think about it. To decide between dying peacefully, having known Sooil all his life, or to live forever, following Sooil at his side.

“How long did it take you to come to the decision?” Minsoo had asked Sooil.

“Almost instantly,” Sooil had replied. “I was young and foolish. But no matter how things ended up, I’m not upset with my decision. I’ve come to terms with it.”

He’d been nervous about the matter. Minsoo, of course, told him about Jinwook’s offer after they’d set off back to Minsoo’s town. As soon as he’d heard it, he began to look troubled, but in no way did he ever try to influence Minsoo’s decision. He took a step back from the matter, almost uncharacteristically. If Minsoo was going to be honest, that almost affected his decision. If Sooil didn’t think becoming immortal was a good idea, should he really follow through with it?

But… this was a decision that _he_ had to make. Not anyone else, but him alone. Not for Sooil’s sake. Not for anyone. This decision would affect him and only him, and it would come with many repercussions that he _really_ had to think about.

Sooil visited more often, although in secret since he pretended to die the last time he was at Minsoo’s home. More often than not, he would come up with silly disguises that surprisingly worked on his neighbors. It amused Minsoo to no end and he would gladly poke fun at some of the disguises Sooil would put on.

With his visits came stories. Stories of his own life of immortality, a collection of memories that would have no end unless he chose it. He told Minsoo all sorts of things, some he couldn’t believe and some he couldn’t help but feel strongly about.

He talked about the struggles of being immortal, the repercussions he’d encountered while being undying. Minsoo knew a good amount of them already, having known Sooil for over half a decade now, but it _did_ get him thinking about the decision.

Realizing what he wanted came with the weight of many things, and it took a very long time of struggling with his own thoughts. Still, that isn’t to say that, when he _did_ realize, it was some world-shattering affair. In fact, he’d made his decision one simple afternoon, walking with Sooil under the warm, sticky heat of summer. Sooil had on another ridiculous disguise and Minsoo was endeared all the same. He was telling him stories of his recent travels animatedly.

And then Minsoo realized it. He wanted to stay by Sooil’s side. It was simultaneously so simple and so complex. Minsoo knew he would never forget it.

A few days later, they set off to Jinwook’s cottage under the mountain. A few days later, Minsoo was immortal. It was simple.

But like Sooil had always warned, the weight of his actions would follow him forever. The first action that would follow him was becoming immortal.

Now that he had all the time in the world, he was left to think. Think about why he wanted to stay by Sooil’s side. Was it just the companionship? Did he want to see the world, but not alone?

He would feel no different than he had in the past twenty-five years of his life, but there was a heaviness in his heart and mind that he came to realize was the finality and permanence of his decision.

“You’re worrying me,” Sooil said one night. His sleeping mat was next to Minsoo’s, only a foot or two away. He laid on his side, facing his friend, and Minsoo had laid the same way.

“Jinwook said you were the same,” he pointed out. He did. Jinwook had told him that Sooil was left dazed for a long time after he became immortal. But Sooil shook his head.

“I’m still worried about you. I was young and foolish, Beomdeuk. I didn’t realize that my choice would come with so many consequences. I’ve done so many things, all with varying degrees of wrong and right, and I’ll have to live with it for the rest of time. But you _thought_ about your decision for a long time. You considered everything and still chose it and now—”

Sooil cut himself off, brows pulling together. He looked truly troubled. A moment passed, with Minsoo unsure of what to say.

“You know I’m here, right?” Sooil asked. His voice was barely above a whisper. He seemed uncertain and anxious. Minsoo realized he’d never seen him like this before. He always stood in the radiance of his confidence and charisma. He looked truly vulnerable in front of Minsoo.

In his heart, Minsoo knew that Sooil was being truthful. Just as he’d always been by Sooil’s side, following him wherever just to be with him, Sooil would be by his side to support him. He was there.

It eased Minsoo. He didn’t have anything to worry about. He wanted to stay by Sooil’s side and that would be okay because Sooil would be by his side, too.

He slowly smiled, finally content with his thoughts. At the sight of his smile, Sooil seemed to calm down, watching dazedly as Minsoo’s expression changed.

“I know,” he whispered. “Thank you, Sooil.”

“Of course,” Sooil responded. “Where would I be without you, Beomdeuk?”

Years continued on. Nothing much changed between Sooil and Minsoo. For a while, he’d decided to return home and live peacefully. But a while turned into years that passed before he knew it. When he saw the neighbors, older and slower, he knew he couldn’t stay. He left.

Finding Sooil was no easy feat. He constantly traveled all over the place, watching how the land changed around him. For the first time, Minsoo got to witness times changing, too. It was strange to realize that from that moment forward, he would be watching history occur.

When he found Sooil, he also found that feeling of coming home again. It eased his heart when he didn’t realize that he was troubled.

“You get used to seeing times change,” Sooil told him. “You just have to adapt. It’s alright, Beomdeuk, you won’t have to go through it alone.”

The thought of Sooil being by him comforted him immensely, although he wasn’t quite sure why. It didn’t matter, though. Not right now.

“You seem to have gotten used to the thought of being immortal, though,” Sooil said in a teasing manner. Minsoo shrugged. After the first year, it became easy to think about.

“I’m glad,” Sooil said. “You seem happy.”

Traveling together came as naturally to them as breathing. If Sooil or Minsoo wanted to go somewhere, there would be no argument. They would simply be on their way, as leisurely as ever. Routines developed over the years. Sometimes they settled in towns and cities and villages for a few years, content to stay in one place for a little while.

But of course, Sooil would eventually piss someone off irreversibly. Sometimes they would run.

Other times, Sooil would pretend to die.

After years of digging his friend up, Minsoo got used to it. His hands no longer trembled. His actions no longer bore heavily on his conscious. After all, Sooil was immortal and not truly dead. All Minsoo had to do was be careful.

“I am forever in your debt,” Sooil said, as earnestly as always.

Minsoo grunted and dropped his shovel in favor of reaching out his hand to help him up. Once Sooil was out of the grave, they both picked up the small bundles of their belongings.

“That’s the fifth time this decade, Sooil. Even for you, that’s too much!” Minsoo scolded as they walked.

“Was it really my fault this time? I really didn’t steal from the magistrate! You believe me, right?”

“If you _did_ steal from him, I’d surely be rich and on my way to another city by now. Instead, I’m penniless and waiting for you so we can leave this place.”

Sooil grinned at him and brushed as much dirt off of him as he could. It would be difficult until they found an inn to wash themselves off at, but they’ve traveled in worse conditions.

“Be honest. You didn’t like this city anyway, did you?”

Minsoo huffed.

“...No. The people were far too irritable. The entire city has too much pride for a place that could be squashed at any moment.”

Sooil laughed.

“You know, my favorite thing about you”—Sooil grabbed Minsoo’s arm and linked their arms together —“is that you’ve become more honest with me over these years. I really cherish that!”

Embarrassment crept up Minsoo’s neck and settled on his cheeks. How was he supposed to help that? He’d gotten used to being around Sooil. They were constantly together, traveling and living together. By now, they had known each other for years. Minsoo could look back at how long it had been since they first met and be taken aback at how the years had passed by quickly.

He could admit it, right? That he was accustomed to being around Sooil. He was grown up now, no longer the nineteen-year-old who’d cried when he first dug up his supposedly dead friend.

(He still looked back on that memory with a great degree of embarrassment. Of all the things that Sooil had to see first, it was a distressed Minsoo, tears pouring over his cheeks and dirt all over his robes. The concern Sooil had expressed warmed his heart, of course. But only for the last few seconds he was conscious at the time.)

Minsoo opened his mouth to retort, to bid the heat away from his cheeks. Nothing came out. He floundered for the right words to say, and in the end, he didn’t say a thing.

Why was it so hard to tell his friend he had gotten used to being around him? That he also cherished every side that Sooil showed him? That he—

Minsoo tripped.

“Are you alright?” Sooil asked, alarmed. 

“I’m fine,” he said, far too quickly. He straightened far too quickly, turned away far too quickly. _Slow down_ , he scolded himself.

“Are you sure?” A look of a doubt crosses Sooil’s expression.

“I’m _fine_ ,” he insisted, turning back to face Sooil. He faltered, seeing the look of genuine concern on his friend’s face. He pursed his lips and hesitantly patted Sooil’s shoulder.

“I’m fine,” he said, slower this time. “Really. I just tripped and it surprised me.”

“Okay,” Sooil replied cautiously. He stepped back from Minsoo, letting him regain his bearings.

Without anything else to worry about, they both continued walking. As usual, there was no destination in mind; so as long as they could get away from that village, anywhere would be fine. But rather than the usual chatter than Sooil kept up during their travels, it was quiet between them. Something had changed. Minsoo figured it was with him—his mind was far too loud with thoughts he couldn’t get rid of.

They walked out of the city and away from it. They walked under the cover of the night until the sun began to rise above the horizon. As soon as the soft dawn began to encroach on the inky darkness of the night sky, shedding light over their paths, Sooil raised his arms above his head, stretching.

“It’s nice to be back on the road,” he commented, voice a little too cheery, a little too forced.

Minsoo, for one, was exhausted. Without Sooil talking his ear off as they walked, all he could do was think about the conclusion he’d come to. It felt inappropriate to think about, to _feel_ . There was no way he could actually bear feelings for his dearest companion, right? He’d known him for so long now. He _had_ to be mistaking it for something else. Sooil was someone he cared about, someone he wanted to accompany for the rest of his days. He was someone he could see himself spending the rest of his days with, someone he could tell anything…

Well. He definitely couldn’t tell him _that_.

“Is there something troubling you?” Sooil asked finally, after another stretch of silence.

“What makes you think that?”

“You’ve been quiet. I mean, you usually are. I do most of the talking—and don’t get me wrong, that’s _fine_ — I just… It feels like I shouldn’t say anything. You seem to have something on your mind.”

Minsoo thought for a moment on how to answer. He could talk to Sooil. They were friends. They’d been through a lot together.

“You’ve been... lonely, right?” Minsoo asked.

“Huh? Well… Yes, but not since I met you. Where’s this coming from?”

Minsoo’s stomach flips a little. He fights the urge to smile and laugh at Sooil’s response. He couldn’t help but feel flattered.

“Are _you_ lonely?” Sooil asked, tone still serious.

“No!” Minsoo quickly said, shaking his head. Sooil blinks in surprise.

“How could I be when I have you annoying me all the time?” Minsoo mended. A grin springs onto Sooil’s lips, familiar and warm.

“It’s the same with me! How could I be lonely when you’re the only person I need to be my company?”

“Oh, save that line for someone else.”

“It’s true! You really are great to be around, Beomdeuk. I mean it.”

A peek at Sooil’s expression had Minsoo’s heart rate spiking. It was so much harder to breathe all of a sudden with Sooil looking at him with utter adoration and appreciation. Minsoo never knew Sooil as anything other than honest (sometimes to the chagrin of others) and it wasn’t any different in this situation. He was truthful in his words and his expressions.

Had he always looked at Minsoo like that?

“I’m glad,” he said softly, tentatively.

“You know,” Sooil went on, “I can understand if you’d want to go off on your own every now and then, too. That’s fine, we don’t always have to be traveling together. I’m sure there are things you’d want to do and experience on your own.”

“Don’t be silly. Why would I want to leave you?” Minsoo asked without thinking. As he forced his mouth shut, he watched as Sooil grew happier.

He watched as his companion went on as usual, speaking about anything that came to mind. He seemed happier and lighter. The air was less tense, less filled with unspoken worries.

But as he watched his dearest friend talk, walked with him to their next destination, and soaked in the warmth of his presence, he wished he could be as honest as Sooil. He wished he didn’t have to hold himself back, out of fear of driving his friend away. He wished he would take the chance without hesitation and face the consequences dauntlessly.

But worries ate at his heart, gnawed at his thoughts. Minsoo couldn’t drive Sooil away. He couldn’t lose him, lose that feeling of home that he felt every time he was near Sooil. The truth was that he considered Sooil his soulmate. He was the one person he knew he could always rely on, always come back to, always believe in. If he was just by Sooil’s side, then he’d be happy and content and he wouldn’t need anything else. That was the reason why Minsoo always stayed, why he always tolerated him, why he dug him up from graves despite the moral ambiguity of it. That was why he became immortal.

But because he was happy and content by Sooil’s side, he had to keep his thoughts to himself. If he spoke one word of them, Sooil might be uncomfortable. Sooil might leave and never want to see him again. He couldn’t take that.

So Minsoo kept quiet. For years and years and years.

“I am forever in your debt, Beomdeuk.”

Minsoo sighed softly and set aside his shovel in favor of offering his hand to the corpse in the dug-up grave. Cold hands grasped his. He used his strength to pull Sooil up from the dirt.

“I mean it, I always do,” he said.

“I know,” Minsoo replied.

“Beomdeuk are you getting tired of me?”

Minsoo’s thoughts came to a halt.

“What?”

“I’m asking if you’re tired of me. I-I know it’s troublesome to always dig me up from all these graves. I know it’s troublesome to put up with me. You don’t have to lie. You’ve been distant ever since we came here.”

“Where did this come from?” He asked, interrupting Sooil’s rambling. His expression draws into a frown as his companion sighed heavily.

“I don’t know. I feel like I’m holding you back. We should take a break. From each other.” Sooil mumbled.

Minsoo’s heart wrenched. _How could you think that_ , he wanted to ask. _Who made you think about it_ , he wanted to beg. _It’s not true, I’m just a fool_ , he wanted to say.

Instead, with a surprisingly level voice, he asked, “Is that what you want?”

Sooil hesitated. There was still dirt on his face and his hair and his clothes. It was so unlike him to look this pitiful, to look so forlorn. Minsoo knew for a fact that Sooil probably didn’t want this, that he was only acting out of Minsoo’s best interest.

“If that’s what you think is best, then we can separate and find each other later on,” he went on, ignoring how his throat felt tight. “If you think it’s best for you, then we can go on our own ways.”

Sooil made his decision under that scarcely moonlit night. Minsoo left his companion under the burning light of the sun.

* * *

Minsoo wants to say his memories of traveling without Sooil were clear and fresh in his mind like every other memory was. He wants to say that traveling without his companion—his _soulmate_ —was surprisingly fine.

He can barely remember any of it. Traveling without Sooil was a foggy time in his head.

Days had blended together. Like someone had taken a wet brush and mixed the colors of his days together. He couldn’t tell the difference from the previous day to the current day. He traveled aimlessly for a very long time. At some point, he met up with Jinwook, who was visibly worried for him. At some point, he met another god at a seaside town, newly born and full of sweetness and hard work. At some point, he met Sooil again.

It was like coming home.

“Beomdeuk,” Sooil said breathlessly. Minsoo didn’t say anything. His heart was stuck in his throat and his limbs were frozen in place.

“It’s been a while,” Sooil tried. “Well, thirty years is a lot for a normal person, but it must have been nothing to the both of us, right?”

“I didn’t really keep track,” Minsoo said finally, and he grimaces from how pathetic he sounds.

“Are you okay?” Sooil asked, cocking his head slightly to the side. Minsoo’s throat felt tight. He could let himself be truthful just this once. It would probably feel better if he did.

“I missed you,” he said, and it felt like a thousand birds taking flight over the shore.

They don’t talk about the thirty years they didn’t see each other—only once. Stumbling across Sooil was purely coincidental, but it was like striking rich. It was probably embarrassing that Minsoo was attached to Sooil for a while after that.

Sooil said he hadn’t been in a good place during the days that led up to his “death” before they parted. Some people had mentioned how sorry they felt to Minsoo for having to put up with someone like him. The days he spent alone and thinking while buried didn’t exactly help. When he woke up the next morning without Minsoo, he confessed to feeling like he’d lost something.

“I’m here now,” Minsoo said, hating the way his voice wavered. “I’ll always be here. Don’t tell me any nonsense about holding me back or anything else like that anymore, alright? I don’t want to hear it. I only left because you said it’s what you wanted and I wanted to respect that, but it’s my choice to stay by your side, you hear me? It’s my choice to help you out of the graves you dig for yourself and it’s my choice to be right here. So don’t—”

Minsoo’s voice cracked and he loathed it.

“Don’t leave me anymore. You said you were here. You said I didn’t have to go through this alone. So… So keep your promises, Sooil. Just stay by my side and I’ll stay by yours.”

They don’t talk about the thirty years they didn’t see each other—only once. But after the one time, they grew closer and Minsoo could feel it. Distance made his heart grow fonder, made feelings intensify. And if he had any hope that Sooil was the same, then he was free to think about it in his downtime while he traveled with Sooil again, settling every now and then, here and there.

* * *

“Have you two been away from each other for any particularly long period of time?”

Minsoo frowned. Sooil shrugged.

“Sure we have. We didn’t always travel together since we both had different places we wanted to see. But after a while, we just stopped going places separately and started traveling together permanently.”

Gyujin pouted thoughtfully, placing his chin on his hand.

“Why do you ask?” Minsoo asked wearily, somehow fearing the answer.

“No reason. I just read some ancient poetry about a man being separated from his lover for years and wandering aimlessly, just missing them. I mean, this poem was ancient—I was wondering if you knew anyone like that, or if you’d been in that situation before.”

Minsoo’s face turned a furious shade of red at the implications of Gyujin’s statement. Beside him, Sooil had gone very still.

“There was… one time,” Sooil said carefully, glancing at Minsoo. “But I don’t like talking about it. I don’t think Minsoo likes _thinking_ about it.”

“Oh. I’m sorry then,” Gyujin said, looking genuinely apologetic. Minsoo eyed him for a moment before heaving a sigh.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. You were just curious,” he said.

“I really am sorry, though,” Gyujin murmured. “It must have been hard. You two are so close—I can barely imagine you being apart.”

“Trust me, kid, I don’t like imagining it either.” Sooil shrugged. Gyujin scrunches up his nose in defiance.

“Hey, listen, I know you guys are immortals and older than dust, but c’mon, do you think that gives you the right to call me ‘kid’? You look as old as a college student! I mean, seriously. What’s your skincare routine?”

“Oh, I just wash my face,” Sooil said cheerfully.

“Just bury him in the dirt every couple of years and dig him up after a week. He stays handsome that way,” Minsoo deadpanned.

Gyujin and Sooil fell silent. The former looked mildly freaked out. He probably couldn’t tell if Minsoo was joking or not; while Minsoo and Sooil had told him they were immortal and recounted stories of their travels for the young man, they had avoided telling him about the gravedigging. While Gyujin was an excellent judge of character, he _really_ couldn’t tell if Minsoo was being serious.

The latter, on the other hand, looked a little touched. “You think I’m handsome?”

“I think you need to go back into the dirt,” Minsoo responded, cheeks going red again. Sooil whined in protest, but Minsoo paid him no mind.

 _These immortals are seriously weird_ , Gyujin thought to himself.

* * *

“I’m thinking of changing my name,” Minsoo absentmindedly said one afternoon as they strolled through a town. The times had certainly changed their home and even small towns like this had been impacted by cultural change.

“All of a sudden?” Sooil asked, raising a brow. Minsoo shook his head. 

“No, it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while,” he explained. “I don’t know why. I like ‘Beomdeuk’ enough. It’s the name I was born with and it was the name my grandparents told my parents to name me. I’d like to keep honoring the name, but…”

“But it’s been hundreds of years,” Sooil supplied. Minsoo frowned. He didn’t want to put it that way. It wasn’t like the name had been worn out just because hundreds of years had passed by…

But he was different than Beomdeuk. He was much older, and not just because he was hundreds of years older than when he became immortal. He was wiser, more worldly.

“I don’t know how to explain it without sounding weird,” he sighed.

“I mean, there’s nothing wrong with it!” Sooil quickly tries to mend. “You’re your own person, Beomdeuk. You can change your name if you want. There’s nothing weird about following your heart.”

“That sounds corny,” he said teasingly, nudging Sooil. His friend huffs and nudges him back.

“I’m trying to comfort you here,” he huffed. Minsoo only laughed.

“I know,” Minsoo said softly. “Thank you, Sooil.”

“Good afternoon!”

“Good afternoon! I’m Sooil, and this is my friend…”

“Minsoo,” he said with confidence, warmth blooming in excitement over his new name. He’d taken some time to think about a new name that fit him. This was the first time he’d ever used it and it made him happy that Sooil was letting him introduce himself.

The host smiles. “It’s nice to meet you both. I’m sure you two are here for the library?”

“Yes, we heard you have many ancient texts. Minsoo is quite the historian and art appreciator and was excited when he learned that someone in town had a vast collection of older books,” Sooil explained. The host smiled warmly at Minsoo.

“I’m glad there are people who enjoy old history and art. I’m also well-read, so if you have any questions, then I’d be glad to enlighten. Allow me to lead you to the library…”

As the rumors had said, their host had a large amount of books. It was impressive how much of history was in this man’s home and Minsoo idly wondered how much of it he’d read himself. He really _did_ enjoy looking back at the past and looking at art from back then—that was no lie. There was nothing wrong with feeling nostalgic and wanting to revisit old texts he had read.

“This section includes all of the more older texts,” the host presented, gesturing to an entire wall of books. Sooil let out a low whistle, also clearly impressed. Minsoo personally thought the host could hold back on the bragging, but so as long as he could come to see the texts, he’d keep his thoughts to himself.

“I don’t even know where to begin,” Minsoo sighed contentedly.

“You’re free to spend as long as you like here!” The host offered. Minsoo gave him a grateful smile.

“Thank you. Do you have any personal favorites among all of these?”

The host took a moment to think.

“Hmm… I have more of an affinity towards poetry and artistic expression. Now, I don’t often tell people of this, but my favorite text is a book from perhaps two centuries ago because it has my favorite poem in it.”

“Oh? Which poem is it?”

“It’s not incredibly well-known, but it’s so touching and leaves me a little sad every time I read it. But that’s part of the charm I think. It’s about a man who was forced to leave his lover and it distresses him so much, he wanders aimlessly and mindlessly. He encounters many people, but they have no effect on him.”

“That’s… quite sad,” Sooil said, frowning. The host nods.

“It is! I couldn’t imagine being so depressed after departing from my lover that I couldn’t even register the people around me! The author doesn’t end the poem with the man meeting his lover, but it gives the feeling that the author was one of the people who had met the man while he wandered without his heart. I suppose the man’s sorrow touched a few hearts. It certainly touched mine.”

“That _is_ rather interesting,” Minsoo said, trying to ignore the weird feeling rising in his gut. “What is the name of the poem?”

The host smiled brightly. “Would you like to read it yourself? Let me fetch the book, but forgive me if it’s a little worn—like I said, it’s my favorite.”

He plucks a well-loved book from the shelves and opens it to page like he knew it by heart. He presented it to Minsoo, whose heart jumped to his throat at the sight of the title.

“The name of the book is _Hearts_ , and is a compilation of poems about people’s true and raw feelings. The title of my favorite poem, is _Beomdeuk_ , which makes it a running theme of names being the titles of poems…”

Later, when they’re out of the host’s personal library, they walk to their lodgings in silence. Minsoo personally felt drained of his energy from the moment he’d read the poem, which was more than likely about him.

He truly didn’t remember much from the thirty years he’d been apart from Sooil. He didn’t remember who he had met aside from Yein, so that made it entirely possible that he’d met an author who wrote poems about people he met.

It could’ve been anyone. It could’ve been another man named Beomdeuk—he’d certainly met more than one person with the same name as him—who’d lost his lover. But who else would have been listless as him? Who else wandered aimlessly without destination and without goal? Who else would have no concerns about living or dying? His experience during those thirty years was something he didn’t like thinking about purely because it was filled with a feeling of having and wanting nothing. He was terribly alone and he couldn’t even die. He couldn’t imagine anyone else feeling that way, yet the poem described what it was like pretty accurately… He wasn’t quite sure about the lover part, though.

Minsoo lamented himself from two centuries ago. Did he really look like he had lost a lover?

“Well,” Sooil began, “it’s quite lucky you decided to use your new name today, isn’t it?”

“Oh, shut up,” Minsoo groaned, covering his face.

“Did you lose a lover some time two centuries ago?” Sooil teased him. Minsoo frowned.

“You don’t remember?”

“Hm?”

“That book from two centuries ago…” He looked away from Sooil, unable to meet his eye. “It was probably from the time I had been traveling separate from you.”

Sooil went quiet. Then, “Was the poem really about you?”

“There’s a chance,” he replied. He didn’t like agreeing to the implications that he considered Sooil a lover, but at that moment, he didn’t have any energy to refute it.

“I’m sorry,” Sooil said. Minsoo shook his head, and turned back to face Sooil to dismiss it, but Sooil cut him off. “No, listen. I really am sorry. I don’t think I could ever say it enough to you. You must have suffered a lot during those thirty years”

“You suffered, too,” he said, almost pleadingly. “During those thirty years, I know you had a hard time, too. I know you don’t like talking about it as much as I don’t like thinking about it, so don’t hurt yourself now when we’re both here. We survived and we will continue to survive just because our wishes were granted.”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt, Beomdeuk—” Sooil ran a hand through his hair before catching himself. “Ah, I meant Minsoo.”

Minsoo gaze softened. He reached up to place his hand on Sooil’s upper arm to comfort him.

“You can’t protect me from everything. That’s alright. I’ll get hurt. You’ll get hurt. We will both be in pain and we won’t die because this is what we wanted. This is what we asked for whether we knew it or not.”

Minsoo opened his mouth to say one more thing, but the words “thank you” became stuck in his throat. It was too much to say, yet, at the same time, not enough. Could he risk exposing his feelings now?

They hadn’t changed. He never thought differently of Sooil. Every day he lived, he found more things to like and cherish about him, and he was resigned to such a fate for the rest of his undying life.

Finally, he said, “I’m grateful. For everything you’ve done. For the life you’ve introduced me to. And I’m grateful now just to be by your side.”

“Minsoo…”

“All I ask is that we keep our promises of being by each other’s sides.”

For a while, Sooil only looked into Minsoo’s face, eyes wet and lips quivering with words too difficult to say. And then he placed his free hand over Minsoo’s and pulled it off his arm, only to hold Minsoo’s hand in his own.

“I will,” he said resolutely. Minsoo gave him a smile as Sooil squeezed his hand comfortingly.

At the very least, he could admit it to himself. He could be honest in his own mind from that moment onward.

He was in love with Sooil.

* * *

“What is that?”

Minsoo blinked and turned to face Jinwook. The god was looking at him in a peculiar manner. His eyes were wide, like he had seen a ghost.

“What is what?” Minsoo asked, frowning.

“That, around your neck.” Jinwook pointed to his chest. He looked down and frowned when he realized Jinwook was referring to the jade pendant.

“I’ve had this for forever and I wear it all the time. How come you’ve noticed it only now?” Minsoo asked, reaching up to hold the pendant in his hand. He took off the necklace to show it to Jinwook.

“Are you sure that’s yours?” Jinwook asked, brows knitting together. “I thought that was…”

“It wasn’t mine originally,” Minsoo answered when Jinwook trailed off. “It was a gift. On my birthday, if I recall correctly.”

“A gift… Did Sooil give this to you?”

Minsoo reeled back slightly. “I… yes? How did you know?”

“Did he really give it to you? I mean, I figured this was his most prized possession. It was some sort of family heirloom since it’s pure jade, I think. When did he give it to you?”

“Family heirloom?” He asked, gaping at Jinwook. The god nodded.

“He must have been really comfortable and trusted you enough to have given it to you. It took me years before he would even tell me what it was when he still had it.”

“He gave me this for my twenty-second birthday!” Minsoo blurted out. He was thoroughly astonished; he’d had the pendant since the early days of knowing Sooil! His twenty-second birthday—it was so long ago! How had he given him something this precious back then?

“You’re joking,” Jinwook said, eyes going wider.

But Minsoo wasn’t. He sorely wished this was all some joke, but— How could it be? If Jinwook was telling the truth about the pendant and he’d had it for so long… It could only mean that Sooil had trusted him ever since.

The pendant was a great source of comfort to Minsoo. It was a gift he treasured greatly because it was from Sooil… It was precious to him because it was a part of him that he could carry around, knowing that he’d given much of himself to Sooil just by staying by his side. The pendant often reminded him of his own feelings, but it still made him feel like he could return home at any moment he wanted. He could return to Sooil.

“Sooil… that fool.” Jinwook murmured as Minsoo tucked the pendant back under his shirt. It was warm against his chest.

He really was a fool. But Minsoo was, too. And his heart only pounded in his chest, thinking about how much comfort he must have been to Sooil.

* * *

The sound of trees rustling over his head was what woke him from his slumber. He blearily opened his eyes, rubbing at them to rid them of his remaining drowsiness.

“Good afternoon, sleeping beauty.”

Instinctively, he reached to his side and shoved the person he knew would be beside him. In response, Sooil let out a yelp.

“So grumpy,” he mumbled, crossing his arms.

“How long have I been asleep?” Minsoo asked.

“Not long,” Sooil replied. “We got here quite late anyway, but you only dozed off for an hour or so.”

“I slept for an hour and you didn’t wake me?” Minsoo was certainly awake now.

“It’s fine, you looked so sleepy and so peaceful while you slept. I couldn’t just wake you up.”

“Ugh… Where’s everyone else?”

“Not here yet. I’m half convinced they all got lost.”

“This hike was a bad idea. I mean, it was great walking on this mountain because it’s beautiful and the weather’s really nice, but it was a bad idea to bring them along.”

“Did you want it to be just us?” Sooil teasingly asked, smiling slyly at Minsoo. He felt his cheeks warming up and turned away. The audacity of this man…

The plan had been to go on a hike with some friends. It was a beautiful day on the cusp of summer and autumn where it wasn’t too hot, but it wasn’t quite chilly. The sun shone through the canopy of green overhead, casting little sprinkles of light where Minsoo and Sooil sat, waiting for the rest of their companions. They had reached the designated meeting spot before them, so they figured it was fine to find a spot to sit and wait. They both found a nice tree to sit under and apparently, Minsoo had dozed off.

“I wouldn’t mind if it’s just us,” Sooil went on, relaxing into his spot where he sat next to Minsoo. “All these years of being together and it still feels just right to be with you.”

Minsoo felt heat rise to his cheeks. “That’s cheesy.”

“The day’s making me feel sentimental, Minsoo, give me a break,” Sooil responded dramatically, leaning against Minsoo’s arm. He lightly nudged him with his arm, but Sooil stayed close. He was warm and suddenly Minsoo’s whole body was warm, too.

“I _guess_ I can give you a break from one day. You haven’t been getting yourself killed lately, anyway.”

Sooil grinned.

“How can I? It’s so much harder to get away with it now! I couldn’t put you through that trouble.”

“It was hard back then, but you didn’t seem to care about putting me through the trouble. And the stress.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I remember your tears well.”

“You’re not supposed to,” Minsoo wryly said. Sooil laughed loudly, that endearing joy so clear on his face.

“But if you didn’t save me back then, where would I be without you?” Sooil asked, looking directly into Minsoo’s eyes. He had half a mind to look away, but he didn’t and maintained eye contact with Sooil for reasons he couldn’t think of.

“On your own, probably.”

“Now that is a fate I don’t like to think about.” Sooil smiled and went back to leaning against Minsoo. He was in a strangely affectionate mood.

“I like to think I’m right where I’ve always belonged,” Sooil continued. “You’re good to me and you’re good _for_ me. I’m sure if I didn’t meet you, I’d still be reckless and uncontrollable.”

“You’re _still_ reckless and uncontrollable.”

“Not so much!” Sooil chirped.

“Maybe,” Minsoo replied. They both go quiet, letting nature speak instead. There had been many moments like this before in their long lives. Minsoo cherished every single moment, and this one he also held close to his heart.

“I’m right where I belong,” Sooil repeated softly. “We’ve always been wandering, never having a permanent home, but I like to think I’ve been home all this time.”

Minsoo hoped he couldn’t hear the thundering in his chest. Words like this… he really couldn’t take it.

“I’ve lived so long, you would think I wouldn’t have any fears anymore, but that really isn’t the case.” Sooil chuckles. He got off of Minsoo and fully turned his body to face him.

“What is it?” Minsoo asked. That familiar feeling of apprehension rose in his stomach. It’s the same nervousness he felt around Sooil, the fluttering in his stomach when his closest companion was just _too endearing_. In the middle of his chest, there’s fear, anxiety, and, in the midst of it all, a tiny spark of hope.

“You really are fine with just staying together, right? Just you at my side and me at yours?” Sooil asked. He looked nervous. A little shy even.

“Of course,” Minsoo answered. Then he hesitated.

For a second, he thought of all the years he spent with Sooil. It easily amounted to hundreds, maybe even over a thousand years. He thought of the feelings he’d experienced in Sooil’s company. He thought of Jinwook’s urging, which felt so long ago. He thought of the jade pendant under his shirt, pressed against his skin and warm. He thought of their years apart, their years together, the years they were immortal.

He’d been afraid this entire time. He only allowed himself brief moments of honesty to himself and occasionally to Sooil.

Looking at Sooil now, with his earnest expression and the bashfulness behind his tone…

Couldn’t he be completely honest for once?

“That’s… the whole reason I wanted to become immortal, you know,” he said, just a touch awkwardly. Sooil sits up straight, surprised.

“What?”

“I thought about it for a few years. I realized I wanted to be by your side, even if it meant becoming immortal. I haven’t regretted it once because seeing you… was like coming home.”

“Minsoo…” Sooil was visibly dumbfounded. His face was slightly pink, but Minsoo couldn’t bring himself to take a closer look.

“No matter what, I just wanted to stay by your side,” Minsoo said, swallowing his fear. He hoped Sooil could see and hear and _feel_ his honesty.

“You… became immortal, just so you could be with me?”

Minsoo nodded.

Sooil went quiet.

And then he smiled. And laughed. Not a mocking laugh, but a jovial one, filled with elation, relief, and pure _happiness_ . He reached forwards and wrapped his arms around Minsoo’s waist, pulling him out of his sitting position and closer to him. Minsoo let out a surprised yelp as Sooil held him close, held him _embarrassingly_ on his lap.

“Sooil?!”

“You’re so good, Minsoo,” Sooil said, voice filled with fondness. He openly looked at Minsoo with adoration written on his face. “You’re so amazing. So good. I really don’t think I could be with anyone but you.”

“You— What?”

“I’ve never been happier with anyone but you. It’ll stay that way, right?” Sooil asked, eyes hopeful. “We could just keep traveling and all we’d need is each other. That’s okay, right?”

Minsoo was struck speechless. It felt more than a knot had unraveled inside him. It felt more than thousands upon thousands of birds taking flight. It felt more than just the truth becoming free.

With a shaky hand, he cupped Sooil’s cheek, cherishing the way Sooil leaned into his touch.

It felt like love.

“Yes,” he whispered. “That’s okay. All I’ve ever wanted was you.”

Sooil smiled and sighed happily. And with the ease of something that felt natural all this time, Minsoo leaned in to kiss his best friend, his closest companion, his _soulmate_.

And it was like coming home.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you very much for reading! <3 this was meant to be a halloween fic, but it took me a really long time to write haha. anyway this fic is LONG and it's for u, kuhngyeol stans. please let me know what you think by leaving a comment! lmk if there's anything i should improve on! thank you <333  
> (also please keep ur eye out for the next installation of this series, in which i write in this same universe of immortals, gods, and other supernatural stuff! thanks!)
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/951111_com) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/lovechous)


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